th_Eroses is a contemporary art website dedicated to film photography, cinema, poetry, internet performance, behavioral choreography, and art critical theory.

theroses.directors@gmail.com

submissions

what to do / how to be

 

I feel like I project a pretty strong energy to strangers

because I’m kind of emotionally closed / focused / physically fit / have a public presence

but then when people get to know me they see

my ego architecture is kind of fragile

because I’m lonely & need approval

& my psychic self is kind of internal / not for them

and it’s like apprehending the weakness / distance makes people angry or afraid

and they either want to crush it and control it

or sort of parent me by offering a lot of guidance 

(women do this more) (and I don’t mind it) - - 

I’m trying to find a way to create like, an aqueduct

like a structure to guide something amorphous

like a generalized capability / skill at various things

love of individuals / nature,

aesthetic sense

between myself and the world

drawing can be intellectually a bit frustrating / dull because

it requires tons of repetitive mindless labor

and it doesn’t really pay enough to live on

but I don’t want to be a pawn in the game of the venture capitalists

powerlessly dependent on CEO men

I’m not sure what my purpose is in life,

or what level of faith to place in the social world.

My faith in humanity is extremely low;

I think most people would basically kill a puppy for the meat if they were hungry

and kick the carcass to the gutter.

but I have to do random tasks for people to make money, obviously,

so that’s kind of just what I’m doing, 

on a task by task basis

and I run out of time to come up with some kind of

more valuable way to contribute / live.

just dulled with the tasks

of trying not to get puked on by the drug addicts

on the subways for two hours a day

or robbed by random psychos;

to finish my tasks on time,

and find the energy to make a sandwich at night.