the man who ironed the ocean
The man who ironed the ocean (T.m.w.i.t.o.) was a meticulous man. He always wore a 3-piece suit of dip-dyed satin, and pressed it into perfect creases- like the stripes of a rainbow, or the long edge of a perfectly-cut prism. When Tmwito saw the ocean, he fell into a fit. The unruly sea was wrinkled in every direction, and rippling outward in foamy arcs. As per his usual habit, he decided to iron. Tmwito took a heavy iron, and attached it to the back of his boat, which was painted in gentle stripes of pink, seafoam, and pale cerulean, just like his suits. It all made a *very* nice picture.
This fancy man with his iron began to flatten the sea. He would flatten one wave with his iron, but then the sea would ripple out again in V’s in the wake of his iron. He would circle back to iron these new creases, only to see that another wave of wrinkles was now shimmering out behind him. On to top of all that, wave after waves of foamy crests were still storming in from the horizon. Tmwito began to shriek, and throw rocks at the waves, hoping to make them stop.
When the waves didn’t, he became anxious. On top of all this, the afternoon was beginning to become hot, and his own satin suit, sweaty and wrinkled. He took off his jacket and began to iron, but as he ironed, the cabin became even warmer, and his suits, sweatier. He turned on the air-conditioning, but then the world outside just became hotter, the waves kept coming, and now he was beginning to run out of gasoline for his boat and his air-conditioning- and he still needed to iron his suits, so that he could get back to ironing the waves without looking like a nudist, or a doofus in a wrinkled suit. Soon his boat was very hot, his suits still wrinkled, and Tmwito was becoming tired of this task. After all, he usually drank iced tea on days like this- and did not go wave-ironing.
Finally, Tmwito decided to take off his suit and go swimming. He found the water very cooling, and the sea pleasing for the thrilling whooshing rhythm of the crests, the gentle caresses of kelp, and the salty breeze. Tmwito swam for quite some time, then returned to his boat to lay in the sun. Tmwito grew a long beard, and became a poet. When he returned to land, he remained fond of the sea, and would bring his family and friends there sometimes to swim.